Dear Paniek, as a fashion girl I have noticed that you almost reached your
twentyfifth question! What will you do when you reach this milestone?
Love from Paris.
I have no idea, Brigitte.
Dear Paniek, after a hard childhood with not many social contacts
I am now the proud owner of a SWB Series III. When I drive into town all
the girls look at me, but do they look for me or do they look for my
Are you sure that only the girls are looking, dear LandyGreenhornNo1?
You really should not be driving your Series III through the pedestrian zone
of the shopping centre on a busy saturday afternoon. Do you really have to
sing the national hymn so loudly? Do you really need the smoke screen?
Hope this helps.
Dear Paniek, when will your famous and very tasteful
Hachee-recipe be 'Recept van de maand?'
Once, when I was still a little Paniek, dear Snuitje,
I made a long
train journey. I wasn't bored at all, because I was observing
a very interesting passenger. This gentleman sat there, smiling and
humming and singing in a very high pitched voice. He behaved like
somebody with a walkman on his head, but this was 55 years
the transistor was invented. He only had a piece of paper with
lines and scribbles on it, yet he heard a complete orchestra.
I see this picture every time when I ask Margriet to write down
one of her recipes. She'll take a piece of paper, a pen, writes down
two words, then picks up one of her cooking books as an example
and starts reading. She smiles and though she doesn't chew, I
know she's eating. At eleven o'clock in the evening she still
is. I make her a sandwich and go to bed. The next morning I find
her asleep at the table with a happy smile on her face. Sometimes
the composition is finished, sometimes it is not.
It has to do with
art and needs time. She wrote down a Larogoulach recipe
this night, which is very close to what you asked (I know
these things because I'm her favourite test eater).
It will be published as your favourite 'recept van de maand' soon.
Dear Paniek, Axle Cleaner's starting motor is defective and
since we have a special Knook's Special, we have a non standard
starting engine. This knowledge makes me an expert and so, one
dearly beloved friends asked my advice on what to do with
I saw immediately that his starting engine would fit Cinderella
very well. Should I advice him to buy an original one and
dispose of his old one for him?
You will never make a good politician if you ask questions like
these, dear Eric. In your case, however, the problem is trivial:
tell him to buy an original starter immediately! If he is a dearly
beloved friend, but still follows your advice, he is a real friend.
He wants you - and your girl friend - to have a new starting
engine without embarrassing you. Don't disappoint him.
Dear Paniek, today I finally washed my Land Rover after a very
nice weekend in 'De Ardennen'. After that, there was a lot of
mud, sand and rocks on the street. Does this mean that if we
go to 'De Ardennen' often enough, we'll create our own Ardennen
in the Netherlands?
The Ardennes ('De Ardennen') were once part of the Netherlands, dear Reginald.
But then your countrymen started these Belgian jokes and in 1830
the Ardennes seperated from your country and rightfully so.
I doubt that it is possible to transport a complete Arden
in one Land Rover, but even if you could, you certainly wouldn't
Dear Paniek, I have seen you and a lady driving around in
a Land Rover 110 HCPU through the Belgian woods. (A very
nice Land Rover with everything on the right place, I must
say). Can you explain what is happening on this picture?
(Click here for the picture )
I have no idea what you are talking about, Berry, but even I can see
that the object in the lady's hand is an egg. It may have been
a boiled egg (in which case she is preparing for peeling it) or
not (in which case she's preparing to throw it at somebody).
Were you covered in smelly, yellow slime after you took this
Dear Paniek, my boyfriend is out in his garage working on his
Land Rover. Last weekend he spent all weekend with his Land Rover,
instead of going to Belgium with me. Do you think he doesn't
find me attractive anymore?
You may be in the danger zone.
The most important question that you should ask yourself
now is: 'Why do I ask these questions?' Then admit that your
female intuitions are failing and then revert to simple logic.
Is your boyfriend unhappy when he returns from the garage? Does
he smell like alcohol? Are his hands, arms, face, hairs and ankles
black? (If he is always a negro, then you need only to inspect
the inside of his hands.) Does he smell like EP90? Do his Land
Rover spare parts seem to multiply without any human intervention?
Has he more than three Land Rovers? Etc. If you can answer these
questions with yes and
your female intuition tells you that he still loves you (and he
does not), then your relationship may be OK, dear Anneke.
But nothing is certain.
Dear Paniek, a couple of weeks ago my Land Rover was upgraded
from 2x4 to 4x4. Therefore I choose to go to Sclayn (Belgium) and see
what was possible in the rough terrain. I found out that in some
cases my vehicle, which served once in the Belgium army, performed
very well indeed. Several times we (the car and I) climbed higher and
went deeper into the mud than the cracks. Dear Paniek, they told
me that it was just beginners luck. Do you think this is true or
could it be that we (the car and I) are an ideal combination? If
we are perfect I could have faith for the near future. Or do
you think that my 4x4 performed so well because she felt at home?
Over the years Paniek has owned and driven an Austin Cambridge,
a BMW 700 coupe, a 2cv, a VW 1500, a Fiat 600D, a 2cv6, another 2cv6,
yet another 2cv6, an Ami, a GSA, an HY, a Volvo 740, a CX, another
Volvo 740, a metalic green Volvo 740 and many others. He never got
stuck. Then he bought his first Land Rover and got stuck at least
once a month. This demonstrates that the better your equipment is,
the more you get stuck. So you see, dear Marchel, it has absolutely
nothing to do with beginners luck.
Dear Paniek, last weekend a good friend asked me to diagnose what
was wrong with his Land Rover. And so I did, but I turned out to be
wrong. And this friend had to stop while driving home all the way
from Belgium. Now I cannot sleep, because I feel guilty. What
should I do to straighten this out with this dearly beloved
Dearly beloved friend??? Ammehoulla.
Dear Paniek, last weekend I was told that all those people saying that they
love our Land Rover nicknamed Cinderella, are saying so just to
have an excuse for being close to my girl friend. Could that really
be the case? And more important: do you think this is even a
worse situation given the fact that most people saying that they
love the way Cinderella looks are of the female gender?
All a Land Rover wants is to be maintained on time and with
a little love. Land Rovers are not jalous and don't care
about the genders of their mechanics. They even trust females!
So I really fail to see your problem, but even if one develops you
have many options if you want to give up your unexpected freedom
again, dear Eric. (For an interesting alternative, just click here
and enjoy the picture of Axle Cleaner, a beautiful Knook Special
Dear Paniek, how will you spend your days when you are really
Dear Brigitte, I'm glad you ask these personal questions. You are
a sensitive fashion girl.
Sometimes Paniek wakes up swimming
in sweat in his green pyama's. But when he recovers from his nightmares,
he asks Margriet if she thinks he's old, she always says: '
No Paniek, you must be joking. You will always be my young
hero'. I like that answer, even though it is such a lie! Greetings from Pim
(the site photographer) (Click here for Panieks worst dream )
Dear Paniek, what is the real story of the Belgium 4x2 Land Rovers?
Or are all those Dutch jokes about them true?
Since you refer to Dutch jokes, you seem to think that the
Belgian 4x2 has something to do with the Dutch. Do you really think so,
dear mymidget? And is it a proof of Dutch intelligence to claim such a thing?
You make me wonder. Anyway, here is the answer: the Belgian 4x2 is a translation
error. In French 4x2 means 4 wheels of which 2 are powered. In Flemish it means: 4 speed
gear box with a 2 speed transfer box. Or was it the other way around? To avoid such
confusion, the Belgians should have
ordered 4x2x4x4's but they didn't. They used the ambiguous 4x2 instead.
It was probably a political compromise.
Dear Paniek, why is it that Land Rovers only run on blood,
sweat and tears? Isn't there any ordinairy fuel which can get and
keep em running?
You are an optimist, dear someone in panic.
Humans burn well - especially the fat ones - but their
caloric value is not extremely high and you cannot expect a better
figure than 35 kmph (kilometer per human) from your Land Rover 109.
There are also legal issues. Your fuel would have to wear seat belts and
if you want a range of more than 70 km you will fall into the much higher
luxury vehicle road tax category. Can't you grow your own biodiesel in the
gardens next to your windows?
Dear Paniek, as a fashion girl I have a picture of an LT95 gear box, you and
your cardiologist. The picture must be taken on a sunday.
Are gear boxes really that dangerous?
They are, Brigitte. If you meet her often enough, an LT95
becomes a dear and intimate friend who only feels comfortable
when she's spread all out over your work bench. (Click here
for the picture by Henk Warmenhoven )
(And yes Brigitte,
Margriet was very angry about Paniek not wearing his green
Dear Paniek, I'm looking for someone who can write an article about our winterevenement for a
Land Rover magazine, but I can only think of you. What is your opinion?
Can you really only think of me? Is Reginald really a girls name? Are you pretty? Are you rich?
Tell me more. Soon.
Dear Paniek, I found a picture of you, Zwelgje, and your beloved ones in the green valley of Utrecht.
Is a 101 that popular in this area that you need a lion to protect it?
De Heer G. te R.
Your question touches on the fundamentals of this site,
dear De Heer G. te R. Let me explain: there are two driving
forces behind this site. One is Paniek making a fool of
Paniek. That's the easy force. The second force is our site
photographer taking pictures of Paniek making a fool of
Paniek and that's the difficult force. Paniek may be a fool,
but he is very invisible at it. That is very frustrating
for our poor site photographer. He has to invent and construct
a picture now and then, just to protect his mental health.
I don't like it, but I accept it. That is the real background
of the picture that you are referring to. The lion existed
only in your mind and our trained photographer immediately
took advantage of you. It is a sad story. (Click here for
Dear Paniek, one of my landrovers makes a lot of noise. The other one
smokes too much. Will I get baby landrovers?
It is a myth that you would need 2 Land Rovers to make a new one. Any number
will do, even zero. Land Rovers are equipped with self modifying DNA. They don't
depend on genetics and rarely have sex. If they do they don't enjoy it and they don't
get pregnant. So, dear hetgroenemonster, be happy and enjoy your pregnancy.
Dear Paniek, I have conviscated my boyfriends landrover. How can I bring the message
gently without hurting his feelings?
Imagine your boy friend driving his Land Rover on a rainy morning and then, he suddenly sees
you shining through the fog, his other Land Rover around you. Would he be disappointed? No, of
course not! You would make his day! You cannot deny him such joy, Cath. Just make sure that
he is driving a Land Rover too, so always leave him at least one other Land Rover when
you leave home.
Dear Paniek, since last week I own 6 Land Rovers (I bought yet another
project.) Am I sane? Is there any danger for my beloved ones? Where
will this end?
It makes no sense to worry about things that cannot be controlled or that
are no problem, Hubert. There is nothing problematic about a Land Rover
density of 1.5 per family member and I am sure that your sanity has never
been an issue for your beloved ones. Start worrying when you have six Land Rovers
but only remember four.
Dear Paniek, are there also pictures available on the Paniek.org
site that were made with your high tech invention? I mean
the invention where a backwards view was created by you
using a USB webcam and a laptop with Microsnot Windows.
Possible is a description of this setup, including practical
hints like steering in negative, a valuable add to Paniek.org.
That is a very good question, Berry. We have indeed experimented
with a rear view WEB Cam on a Land Rover 101 Forward Control
Ambulance, but the tests were interrupted when the Ambulance
sank in a canal that was not visible on the monitor.
(Click here for your picture
Dear Paniek, I noticed the roof of your 101 is not painted. I
was wondering why? Are you afraid of heights?
You should know better, Pim. There is nothing on a 101 that is
not done. There are things that are not done yet. And there
are things that are not redone yet. That's all.
Dear Paniek, ik kom net terug met onze Disco II, en ik vroeg
me af: Hoe zit dat nou met de verlichting van deze auto??
Het draaiknopje aan de knipperlichthendel geeft drie standen
aan: "0", "twee lampjes" en "een grote lamp". Als ik de
stand op "twee lampjes" zet heb ik het idee dat ik met stadslicht
rij...klopt dat? Hoe krijg ik hem dan op gewoon dimlicht?
De lichtopbrengst is namelijk zeer minimaal, en het schijnsel
op de weg is ronduit niks...
The operation that you describe is too complex, Paul. Disco
II's were designed with something else in mind. We wish
you good luck.
A friend told me about your fantastic new site, but
when I typed www.paniek.com my browser said "De pagina waarnaar
u zoekt, is momenteel niet beschikbaar. Er zijn mogelijk
technische problemen met de website of u dient mogelijk
uw browserinstellingen aan te passen." I guess this means
that I can forget about it. Why?
Anneke. Don't take it too hard, I'm sure it is nothing personal.
Apart from that you should have typed: www.paniek.org, not
PaNiek, or as you would say on your Englisch site Dear PaNiek.
I would like to join up for this amazing site to be a member.
I don't have a clue what this beholds, but it must be fairly
amazing. (maybe I get a peek under your car too then.) If
I have five more minutes to spare I will read the one hour
story, so I am fully informed before we go to Belgium. Kind
Regards. "The mother of knorretje"
mother of knorretje. If you know the Belgian road manners,
you must know that these five minutes that you offer me,
could very well be your last five minutes in sanity. Go
and spend them with somebody else. In the unlikely event
of your sane return we can continue this discussion, but
we would need much more time.
PaNiek. As a fashion girl I have noticed that you always
wear green overalls when you are on a picture. (And do they
look great around you!) Now I wonder what you wear in your
spare time. Greetings from Paris. Brigitte.
Brigitte. One picture says more than a thousand words (Click
here for the picture that his own wife made ).
Kind regards from Pim. (The site photographer)